How Covid-19 Partial Lockdown has Shaped My Perspectives About Life.

Photo by Myriam Jessier on Unsplash

It was an unexpected turn when COVID-19 became a pandemic on 12th March 2020. Its impact has certainly affected our daily lives both positively and negatively. To-date, many individuals are still required to stay at home and work from home. When the movement control order (MCO) was announced, I was anxious and also looking forward to spending more quality time at home and living the life of someone who works from home.

In the beginning, I did my usual daily routine and replaced all my outdoor activities with indoor workouts, social media, cooking, Netflix, online shopping, and spending time with my partner. On the weekend, I would go to the grocery store where it has become a luxury activity during this MCO period. I have been at home for about 55 days now. With the time given, I noticed how my thoughts, mood, and behaviors have changed.

I felt great for the first two weeks. My new daily routine looked productive and it seemed like I had my life moving forward. However, when the MCO was extended for another two weeks and so on until the 12th of May 2020, I found myself being all over the place and I somewhat stopped following my daily routine. I knew something was not right when my constant low mood lasted for days. There are days where I would wake up feeling tired, anxious, guilty, and worrying about my future. I know the social distancing is affecting my mental health, I also know that these feelings were not solely triggered by this event.

My unresolved feelings and constant low mood have gotten me to wonder if my depression is kicking in again. Whenever I feel anxious, moody or guilty, I would scroll through my social media and online shopping platforms especially before my sleep. It was an unhealthy habit to ease my condition and it took me some time to disclose my concern to my partner. While he knows I would experience these low moments from time to time, it seems like the MCO has allowed me to spend more time dwelling in my thoughts, the past, and uncertain future.

My relationship with my partner has grown over the days. Unlike couple violence stories I have read online, I am grateful that my partner is very supportive and we actually enjoy each other’s company. It was also during this period I learned that Sardin is one of the main causes of gout when we realized my partner had an unexpected gout attack. Like many other couples, we fight as well. While the pandemic has created a higher rate of conflict, instead of competing with each other, my partner and I took a step back to recognize the issues, empathize and make a conscious effort to understand each other.

What becomes a concern to me is working from home. Do not get me wrong, I actually enjoy working from home. Not only do I get to wake up later, but I also have more time to complete my personal chores and workout in the morning and still be on time to report to work, virtually. The upside of working from home has a lot to do with the gift of time, traffic-free, and convenience. However, as a counselor-in-training, I find it a challenge when I am not able to continue my physical practice such as face-to-face counseling. What made me feel even worse is when I realize I am not competent enough to provide online counseling. These external circumstances somewhat added up to my low mood and anxiety.

Nevertheless, I learned that being resourceful is what we all need right now. While I am unable to continue my physical counseling training, I signed up as a listener on an online therapy platform to improve my listening skills. When I am feeling low, I find someone I trust to share my concerns. The commitment I made to follow through my daily schedule plays an important role to manage my situation as well.

Like many others, I do have concerns about the impacts of the pandemic on the Malaysian economy in the long-run. However, I think this is also a crucial moment that we should be resourceful. Eventually, we will find ways to adapt to our new lifestyle and balance our mental well-being.